Have you ever had a bad week? The kind where you feel lost, unmotivated, let down, and need more than Calgon to take you away? That’s what I have been going through for the past four or five days. I know there will be an end and I know “this too shall pass”, but I can’t help but to feel a little down and out.
I guess it all started one day while at work as I was sitting at my desk doing the most mundane of the mundane. If there is one thing that I hate, it’s doing a monotonous and tedious task. Doing this particular task isn’t an everyday thing, but it seemed like it for the two days I had to do it. Tasks like that always get my mind running to the unreasonable. Thinking about how I feel as if I am wasting precious moments of my life, how I could have done this task from home and eliminated the two hour roundtrip travel , how millions of brain cells were going unutilized, and thinking about the thousands of other things I would rather be doing. Don’t get me wrong, I am absolutely grateful for a job, but I was just having one (or two) of “those days”.
In addition to feeling like a Toucan who lost its colors, I got to thinking about how far behind I am in life, career-wise. Right now is where I should have been about ten years ago. I don’t regret any of the decisions I made that were a direct impact on my past job/career choices. Sometimes I just feel super behind and do not have the luxury or the time to gradually climb my way to the top, wherever the “top” is. I am finally in the field in which I obtained my college degree and dreamed of for so long, but being at the bottom is a tough pill to swallow when you know you have the education, skills, and background to be a lot further ahead. Everything happens for a reason, right? I am where I am for a specific purpose. I just have to figure out what that is and create a strategy to get to where I, ultimately, want to be.
Next up is school. Last fall, I began a new journey to get my Master’s degree. I hadn’t been in school for nine years! I thought I would fail each of the three classes I was taking. I thought the hundreds of papers I was assigned to write would be complete garbage. I thought the “graduates could not receive a C” rule would most definitely be used against me because I was sure to get a C or less in one or all classes and be immediately removed from campus. Please note that I have never received a grade lower than a B and have always thought my next assignment would surely be an F. Why? Just crazy, I guess. But I digress, I received straight A’s! One of those A’s just happened to be an A+.
Well, now it’s time for the second semester, I am worried that the previous semester was just a fluke and, surely, this time around I will have to accept the grades of shame as I hand in my parking pass and return all financial aid.
Lastly, I have been really thinking about my friends, most of whom live about 1000 miles away in my hometown of Chicago. I miss our monthly game night where we would enjoy friendly competition, food, drinks, and tons o’ fun! I miss just knowing they are a short drive away or close enough to meet up for a movie, lunch, or a late night Slurpee. I miss visiting with each other’s children and talking about their crazy boyfriend or girlfriend. I miss having the option to visit or them visit me on a whim. I’ve always wanted that “Seinfeld” circle of friends that would burst through the front door like they owned the place or drop by with an outrageous story or just want to hang out at a moments notice.
Maybe it’s just a shift in hormones. Maybe I’m just bored and my mind is wandering to places of depression and doubt. Maybe I just need to busy my mind so that all of this foolishness will get pushed out.
Or maybe I just need a long vacation on a hot beach with an umbrella’d drink or two with the hubs! Any suggestions?