Maya Fit Girl

Dream big…then do it BIGGER!

Married Life- Are You In? August 25, 2011

Filed under: divorce,Family,Love,Marriage,Spouse — Maya Fit Girl @ 6:07 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

With the recent media coverage of celeb divorces and separations, it makes me wonder…

Why do we want to get married?

I have learned that everyone had a different reason. Some have settled for a companion that they can “deal” with.  Some marry for money and stability. Some marry for the sake of marrying. Some feel they have truly fell in love. Some feel they have found their soul mate. I am in the latter category. There are hundreds of other reasons, but the aforementioned are just off the top of my head.

With so many marriages crashing and burning in the fiery pits of divorce, we must ask why. Was it money problems? Infidelity? Lack of communication? Or was it finally facing the realization the marriage was wrong in the first place?

I only know my marriage. And I know that my hubby was sent to me directly from God himself. He was everything I prayed for in a lover, friend, spouse, and father to my children. But just because he was heaven-sent doesn’t mean our 12 years have been all rainbows and lollipops. As all couples, we have had our ups and downs, but we didn’t let the downs do us in. Through the evolution of our marriage we have learned how to talk through our issues and be open with each other-however hard it may be. Communication, compromise, intimacy, and the willingness to work at your marriage on a regular basis is crucial.

Are you willing to cook him/her dinner frequently? Are you willing to spend quality time with him/her? Are you willing to be intimate more frequently? Can you wear less bummy clothes when with him/her? Can you stop nagging so much? Will you allow him/her to watch the game/Desperate Housewives in peace? These and other like them can seem like simple requests your mate might ask of you, but they are important. Remember that. I recently had to be reminded of a couple of things myself!

Sometimes it’s right at the point where you begin to slack off when things begin to completely unravel.  That’s when you have two choices- give up and throw in the towel or regroup, talk it out, and rebuild (but that must be a mutual decision). If you choose to stay, make sure you’re doing it for yourself and the good of the marriage. Doing it for the kids is not a totally good reason, in my opinion. They don’t want to see you live in misery for years. And doing it just to please your mate would just be living a lie.

Discussing expectations of one another, on a regular basis, really keeps each other reminded of what your mate needs. Expectations seems like something most married couples forget to talk about. How else will you know that your mate would prefer that you pay the bills? How else would you know that your husband expects you to make him dinner at least 3 or 4 times per week? How would you know your wife wants you to take the trash out-all the time? How would you know that your husband needs 10 minutes to himself after he arrives home from work? Big or small, talking about what you expect from one another lays the foundation of your daily life together. Every 6 months, my husband and I have a “check-in” meeting to go over how we’re doing and if our needs and expectations are being met and any updates on new things we would like to add to the marriage. These meetings have saved us a great deal of arguments and stress, but again, both parties must be open and honest in order for this to work.

A marriage is a very important and life-changing event. And I wouldn’t trade mine in for anything in the world. I have great love, admiration, and respect for my husband and if for some reason I’m not showing it, he will definitely call me on it. And I the same for him.

So when it comes to marriage, are you in or are you out?

Check out my other posts at http://www.blogher.com/member/mayah14

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2 Responses to “Married Life- Are You In?”

  1. Great post – thank you!


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