A few months after I became a mom for the first time over 11 years ago, I noticed a great change within myself. All of a sudden I felt strange. I felt that I had acquired some sort of bionic powers that allowed me to do the seemingly impossible. Some call it having “eyes behind your head”, but I don’t know, that label conjures up a pretty grotesque picture in my mind. What I have is supersonic hearing!
Moms, you know what I mean. You could be in your bedroom with your door closed when all you hear is a loud “BANG!”. That bang could be anything to the normal “dad” ear– a slamming door, a book falling on the floor, or a ball being thrown at a wall. But moms know exactly what it was, who did it and why. You don’t even get up while yelling, “(insert child’s name here) stop throwing your daddy’s brown work shoe up against the bathroom door! Your brother is not going to unlock it!”
The kids are in awe every time you do it! As your supersonic powers seem to get better and better, Dad’s powers become null and void. When was the last time he seemed to hear anything they do? Can’t he hear all that noise coming from upstairs? Doesn’t he worry what that loud slam was up against the wall in the play room? That wasn’t a toy. The sound was too shallow. It had too much bass, too much weight. That was the sound of a body. Not the body of a small child, but a medium sized one. You yell, “Stop pushing your brother! He doesn’t want to play Wii with you!” Geez…
The best sounds are the ones that come from the bathroom. Those are a little harder to decipher because of the acoustics in the room and sometimes the sound of water drowns out what’s really going on. You think your three year old is washing his hands after going potty, but you hear a harsh dragging sound, cat meowing, and some soft brushing. You yell, “Get down off of that chair and leave the cat alone! She doesn’t need her teeth brushed right now!”
I swear this should be a skill that I can put on my résumé.